Marital Trust Experiment Final Thoughts

Steve:  At the beginning of July, Heather and I wanted to have some fun with all of the clothes in her closet.  Basically, I threw out the challenge that I could pick out her clothes for 30 days without repeating any single piece with the exception being shoes.  This stemmed from Heather’s insistence that she, “had nothing to wear,” and my insistence that she had a heck of a lot more to wear than she thought.  Basically, I was asking Heather to trust me to pick out her clothes for 30 days, and give me the opportunity so show her that there are a lot more outfits than she thought.

What did I learn?  Here are the top 3 things (Spoiler Alert:  Ladies, you already know this stuff I bet)

1.  For Heather, clothes can set the tone of the day!  My clothes are about form and function.  I need 5 shirts and 5 pairs of shorts to get through my week because that is what is practical, but what I found in Heather is that what she wears directly can affect her mood.  If she doesn’t like something or think something makes her look a certain way, she reacts in that way.  That made me very conscience of the things I picked out.  It also made me watch her reactions closely when looking at things so that I could try not to make the same mistakes twice.

2.  The hanger is not the body!  There are clothes out there that look great on a hanger, but don’t look great on a particular person, and vice versa.  I think buying an outfit without trying it on to see how it looks on you is tantamount to placing a bet without looking at your cards.  At that point it is just a crap shoot.  Heather has some clothes that are cute, but just don’t work on her for any given reason.  She also has some clothes that I look at and think, “Holy Horrible Batman!”  But once she puts them on, they work!  Take the time to try in on…it will work better for you in the end.

3.  What you wear really can help your marriage!  Ok, I might get some push back here, but I will stick by this until the day I die.  I know that after 12 years of marriage we are supposed to be comfortable with one another in every way.  Heather and I have seen each other at our bests and worsts to be sure, but being comfortable with one another can quickly turn into a lack of trying and that can’t be good.  What I saw this month was that when Heather was dressed in clothing that wasn’t just shorts and t-shirts, she had more confidence.  She felt better about herself, and she was overall happier.  This made me see her as even more sexy than I saw her before (which is hard).  In turn, I wanted to dress better, and look better for her.  It becomes cyclical.

Overall, I think this experiment was a huge success.  First, I won!  Heather has a lot of clothes left over.  Sure they are mostly t-shirts and winter clothes, but there are still 5 dresses that I like, a black A-line skirt, and a couple pairs of khakis that could be paired with a couple of blouses that are still in the closet.  But, the experiment was a success because Heather totally trusted me.  She had faith that I wouldn’t put her in clothes that would make her look ridiculous.  I didn’t mismatch colors.  The other thing is that she trusted me to choose event or day appropriate clothing.  That takes a lot of trust considering I’m a guy and event appropriate for me are about the same for church, a picnic, or a sporting event.

I thank Heather for going through this with me.  I thank her for accepting the challenge.  And I thank her for not using her vetoes.  It’s been awesome Babe!  I love you!

Heather:

This experiment really was fun! In the last couple years, Steve has really become very good at fashion and picking out clothes and shoes for me so when he proposed this challenge I knew he would do well. I wasn’t sure how well with the clothes currently in my closet, but he did it! And I also learned some things…

It really does make a difference what you’re wearing for the day. As Steve stated above, he could tell a difference in my mood. I felt better on the days I was dressed up, even if I wasn’t doing anything significant. It felt nice to have a dress on just because. And I feel sexier when I wear heels. Steve has bugged me for years to wear heels more often, but I fight it because to me they were uncomfortable and I prefer shoes that are closer to the ground. C’mon, I wear combat boots for a living! But throughout this experiment, I wore them more than I ever have and I think my feet got used to them and I felt more comfortable walking in them. I know Steve will love that!

I know I posted about this in one of the blog entries and that is how we get stuck in a rut and wear the same ‘ol things. We get comfortable and lazy and wear the same clothes like every week instead of trying to be creative and give some of the clothes in our closet more “face time.”  With Steve objectively looking at my closet, he pulled out things that I don’t wear often and even paired some things together that I never considered and I loved it. I wore clothes that I forgot I had or clothes that I forgot actually looked nice and that now I will wear more often.  I’ve even noticed this in this visit with my mom. She has a TON of clothes, so much so that she was filling up every closet in the house! With their recent move, I think she realized the absurdity of it and donated more to Goodwill. Anyway, she still has a lot, yet every time I visit it seems as if she wears the same pieces over and over. So, ladies stop thinking something is “too fancy” for an ordinary day because I’m sure you spent a lot of money on some of those clothes and they deserve to be worn and you deserve to feel beautiful!! Besides, look at the reaction of my husband..when I feel better, he feels better and wants to be better.

Finally, I’ve learned to trust Steve more.  I trust him with so many other things already because I know he will always support me and take care of me.  But, I trust he will not steer me wrong and dress me in something ridiculous or that makes me feel bad. Even though I didn’t use any vetoes, there were days when it probably should’ve been a veto because I didn’t feel comfortable in something or it just didn’t look right and he changed it, but he never forced me to wear anything just because that’s what he picked out for the day. I trust his fashion sense more than mine, especially since I receive so many more compliments on things he’s picked out. It’s so bad that I can’t even shop for myself anymore because I wonder what Steve will think of it. Therefore, he will now dress me for the rest of my life! LOL!

Babe, this experiment was so fun! Thank you for wanting to do it. I know people think we’re crazy and have nothing else better to do than have you dress me like a Barbie, but let’s face it, we don’t…ha ha! Not many husbands would even take on such a challenge and I know I’m blessed to have someone who cares enough to take the time to invest in me. I love you so much and you make this thing called life fun and exciting!

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Day 30: The Final Outfit

Steve:  I must say this has been fun.  For the past 30 days I have used a lot of the clothes in Heather’s closet.  I never used a piece twice except for shoes, and I have succeeded in picking out more than 30 different outfits.  The best part?  There were no vetoes.  Heather could have used them, but didn’t because she trusted what I picked.  Awesome.

Day 30 – Denim Jeans Skirt w/ Black and Red Tiger Striped Blouse and Black Sandals

Day 30 Outfit

 This denim skirt is another one of Heather’s go to pieces and I saved it for the end just in case I got backed into a corner.  I didn’t, of course, and was able to use it today.  Heather is out and about with her Mom today so this is perfect for that.  I believe this is another one of those pieces I bought at Dillard’s when Heather was deployed…if so, big shout out to Colleen again.

The blouse was originally going to be used last Friday night when Heather and I were supposed to go to Tampa for a show and a night out.  I was going to pair it with black pants and red heels.  Unfortunately, I was unable to go out of town this weekend, so the blouse didn’t get used then.  It is too cool not to get used in this experiment though, so I used it today.  It ties on the left side of the neck adding decoration.  I like it.

Day 30 ShoesBy now you are probably tired of seeing these shoes, but since Heather was out of town this weekend, it is another great reason to have them.  They go with anything.  That means she doesn’t have to pack 50 pairs of shoes for all of the great outfits.  Plus, she could wear them every day.  They show off her cute toes.

Tomorrow, I will post some thoughts on the experiment, and share the next experiment Heather and I will try in August.  Not sure I can be successful two months in a row, but I will certainly give it a go.  I am pretty sure Heather is game. I think she wants to get even.

Heather:

Wow, a month has gone by so fast! This was a good outfit to end the month too. I got this shirt at that same consignment shop I’ve referred to in earlier posts. Funny, it seems like I got a lot at that shop, but I really didn’t. I guess that is what is mostly in my current wardrobe. This skirt is an easy go with anything type of skirt and so are the shoes. Steve had to pick out all my outfits for 4 days because I’m out of town and he did a great job. All the outfits worked and were fitting for all occasions. It looks as if tomorrow’s post is going to be our thoughts on the experiment so I’ll save my comments. Stay posted for next month’s challenge. A clue is Steve will be challenged again!

Day 29: A Moment of Silence

Steve:  Today is a sad day for Heather and I as we are learning the news that a fellow Soldier and friend, Captain David Haas, has passed away.  David was stationed with Heather in Iraq and Kansas, and led Bravo Company before Heather took charge from him back in 2010.  Our prayers go out to Dave’s family and to all the Soldiers affected by this loss.  This one’s for you Dave!  We will miss you.

As for the Schmitt Marital Trust Experiment, today is pretty simple.

Day 29:  Black Dress with Black Flip Flops

Day 29 Outfit

 This is a simple black dress that I bought for Heather when she was deployed.  I like it because it has the black with the black lace over top, so it is decorative and fun.  I know this is one of the dresses Heather can wear almost everywhere and is easy, so I saved it for today for a reason.  Today, Heather is celebrating her birthday at her parents home, and her entire family (except me) is going to be there.

Day 9 shoes 2The shoes are the same black flip flops Heather has worn at other times during the month and this may very well be the last time they are worn.  I think after a month of having me dress her, she deserves to buy a new pair of flip flops.  At least you can see her cutie patootie toes!

 

Heather:

It’s kind of ironic that today ending up being a day dressed in black as we are mourning our friend, Dave Haas. I still cannot get over the shock of hearing this news. I will miss him. RIP, Dave.

 

This dress is definitely very practical and very simple. It works for a day with family. I miss you, babe.

Day 28: The last Two a Day!

Steve:  Today is another day when I have to pick out two outfits for Heather, but by the looks of the calendar, it is the last time I will have to do so this month.  The reason for this today is that Heather is in Sarasota for her 20 year high school reunion.  I know, I can’t believe it, but it is true.  Heather has been out of high school for 20 years.  Anyway, she didn’t want to wear her dress while driving over there, so she requested two outfits, and I accommodated.

Day 28, Part 1 – Blue Jeans, with Black, Yellow and White Top and Black Sandals

Day 28 Outfit 1

 This is the last pair of jeans in Heather’s closet so I am glad that I saved them for today.  She needed something comfortable for the drive to Sarasota.  These are pretty normal jeans, nothing special, unusual or extraordinary about them.  The top is a little odd I think and has sort of an optical illusion effect to it.  Heather doesn’t wear it very often, as has been the case with most of the clothes she has put on this month, but I am fine with this shirt finding its way to some other closet after today.  I think it bunches a little in the wrong places and the collar line is a little strange.

Day 28 Shoes 1I still have to say that Heather’s toes are just the cutest little things I have ever seen.  They are working it perfectly in the black sandals that we have used on more than one occasion.  It is kind of cool how the circles on the shoes match the circles on the blouse.  It does lend some symmetry to the outfit as a whole.

Now for the 2nd outfit.  First, I really wish I was with Heather for the reunion tonight because quite frankly, she is going to be the hottest girl there and I want to be there, but we have a sick little boy at home and so I am here watching him.  Fudge, our 6 year old Beagle, has some sort of bone marrow anemia that the vets are having trouble diagnosing.  So, I wish I was with Heather, but I couldn’t leave Fudge, so Heather gets to party with her friends without me.  Boo!!

Day 28, Part 2- White Dress with Dark Green and Light Green Polka Dots and Black Peep Toed Sandal Heels

Day 28 Outfit 2

 I was walking through Dillards one day when I saw this dress and immediately I thought it would look great on my wife.  It was more than 100 dollars at the time though, so I didn’t even think about buying it.  Then, one day when Heather and I were at Dillards together we saw a 50% off sign on this dress.  I made her try one on, and we both fell in love with it.  It is the perfect length, great support and a wonderful flow to it.  I LOVE IT! She is going to be so hot at her reunion.

Day 28 Shoes 2These shoes are also from Dillards, but from a couple of years ago.  They are Day 28 Shoes 2 2the Jessica Simpson’s Heather has already worn on one occasion this month.  I am not yet 100% convinced these are the best shoes or even the right colored shoes for this dress, but they definitely work and Heather looks hot in them.

Have a great time at the reunion babe.  I wish I could be there for ya.

Heather:

I will make this short so I can go partay! The first outfit is ok, I’m not really fond of these jeans and the shirt is constructed a bit weird. It does bunch is the wrong places and now looking at this picture, I look pregnant. it’s not very flattering.

About my reunion dress, I LOVE IT! We went to Dillard’s one day just to look for dresses for our upcoming reunions and they were having a great sale. Steve picked this one out, but didn’t tell me until later that he had eyed it a few weeks before then. It fit perfectly. I’m amazed that he can look at a dress that may not look so spectacular on a hanger and know that it will fit me so well. I love my husband! And I am extremely sad that he’s not going to be with me tonight.

 

Day 27: It Is Not Too Fancy Babe!

Steve:  We are certainly coming down to the wire now, and while there are still plenty of clothes left in Heather’s closet, it is becoming a little more difficult to come up with proper attire for the proper venue.  Take today for example.  We decided to go see a movie and later we have to pick up my Dad from the airport.  Neither of these activities require anything fancy, yet I still want Heather to wear clothes that bring out the best in her.  I could settle for a pair of khakis and a plain colored t-shirt, but that wouldn’t be fair to her.  Therefore…

Day 27:  White Dress with Pink Straps and Pink Flowers with Pink Flip Flops

Day 27 Outfit

 So, I know this is the dress that Heather wore to church on Easter Sunday and the first thing she said to me when she saw that I had picked it out was, “This is too fancy.”  I wasn’t convinced, so she put it on and I must say that I think it works great for a day at the movies and a run to the airport.  To me this is a basic sundress with a pink ribbon belt.  There is a lacy mesh running underneath the skirt for added decor.  I have never been a fan of that mesh stuff, but it seems like more than a few dresses have it and it isn’t a deal breaker.

Day 27 ShoesCan’t really say much about basic pink flip flops so I really won’t try.  I will say that it is the flip flops that make this dress wearable everyday.  They bring it from Easter Sunday churchy to dinner and a movie.  Heather doesn’t wear these out very often and there is a pretty good reason, but I will leave that story for her to tell.

I can see having certain outfits for certain things, like a suit or a ball gown, but a simple dress is a beautiful thing and can be worn at almost any occasion.  Don’t leave it in the closet, let it out.  It will work.

Heather:

I did believe today’s dress was definitely too fancy for what we had planned, but surprisingly it worked. And I’ve received two compliments on it since we’ve been out. Of course, that made Steve feel good too! 🙂  I did learn another lesson today by wearing a “fancy” dress on an ordinary day. I probably dress down more (meaning my usual t-shirts, shorts, jeans, etc) because I put too many things in the “too fancy” category when it’s actually appropriate to dress up a little more than usual. I won’t say what I use the shoes for, because when I think about it, I probably shouldn’t be wearing them! Toodles!

Day 26: The Final

Steve:  No, it isn’t the last day of the challenge, but rather the last day of class for Heather this summer.  Yeah, one semester to go and Heather will have her Master of Business Administration.  I am so proud.  Today, I wanted her to be comfortable.  She has so much on her mind, thinking about how she looks is not something that should worry her.

Day 26:  Jeans with Grey Tank Top and Black Sandals.

Day 26 Outfit Gorgeous as always.  The jeans are pretty basic except that they have some decorative accent striping running around the pockets, down the pant legs and at the cuffs.  I like them.  They make her butt look good too which is the whole idea for a pair of jeans isn’t it?  The grey tank top is fancy with the sequined collar.  It is light, airy and provides her with plenty room to breathe. Perfect for taking a final exam.

Day 26 ShoesWe have seen these shoes several times, but I like them because they are, once again comfortable and functional for test taking.  I also think this outfit would work with a pair of heels if she had somewhere to go after the test was over in order to celebrate.

Notice the cute toes have been done professionally this time.  She even has little flowers and gems on her biggest little piggie.

Heather:

Steve makes me laugh with his descriptions, especially about my biggest “littleDay 26 Toe piggie.” What Steve did not mention was that this was the 2nd shirt we tried on. The first one was a fun hot pink, sequined top I bought at a consignment shop that I loved but it never really looked just right. I was hoping to one day fit into it, but Steve said it didn’t look very good and was made cheaply and since I trust his judgement, it is now in the goodwill bag. I love these jeans too, a bit snug when I’m a few pounds heavier, but today they fit. I also love my toes, I got a pedicure at the mall yesterday and they are very summery!

Day 25: Dresses are the Bestest

Steve:  Throughout the month, I have told the tales of how I purchased certain items of clothing for Heather.  Those items have been from stores I would go into normally.  Target, Dillards and Ross are places that I would shop for my own clothes, so buying Heather something from those places isn’t that strange.  Today’s outfit however is not from any of those stores.

Day 25:  White, Yellow, Black, Brown and Grey Patterned Dress with Brown Sandals.

Day 25 Outfit

 Ok, so now that you see the dress, you can see that it looks like Yellow flowers have different leaves that are more black and grey in color flying around them.  The elastic belt in the middle of the dress is a dark brown.  I picked this dress out one day when I was Day 25 Outfit 2walking by a store and saw this in the window.  I just thought it was different and would be great for Heather.  I was right!  Therefore, a big shout out goes to my friend Marlina Rhodes and her store Francesca’s Collections in Viera.  They have some great dresses, shoes and and accessories that might be a great fit for anyone.  I recommend you check them out.

So, when I first picked out the dress for today, Heather thought it might be a little too fancy for a day Day 25 Shoesof nail appointments and studying.  2 years ago I probably would have agreed with her, but today I don’t.  I think the dress is a lot more causal than I remember and when paired with sandals instead of boots or heels, they are a lot less fancy.

Couple of features on the dress – First, it has pockets, which Heather loves.  I think that automatically makes it a little less casual.  Second, it has elastic in the belt line and the neck line.  This helps shape the dress toward Heather’s body which is awesome if I do say so myself.

The shoes are the simple brown Duckhead sandals that Heather has worn before.  I like them with this dress because you can see her bright orange toes and because the little sew seam up the center of the sandal, kind of matches the ruffle in the neckline.  All together I think this outfit works.  It must, she wore it to the mall…I hope she isn’t buying new clothes.

Heather:

I always thought of this dress as a fancier dress too, but I guess that’s because I usually wear it with heels or boots, but I agree with these sandals it becomes more casual. And it’s comfortable because I think it’s made from cotton so it feels like a t-shirt. I do love the fact that it has pockets, it makes it fun! I didn’t buy clothes at the mall today, but wait until you see my toes tomorrow!