Marital Trust Experiment Final Thoughts

Steve:  At the beginning of July, Heather and I wanted to have some fun with all of the clothes in her closet.  Basically, I threw out the challenge that I could pick out her clothes for 30 days without repeating any single piece with the exception being shoes.  This stemmed from Heather’s insistence that she, “had nothing to wear,” and my insistence that she had a heck of a lot more to wear than she thought.  Basically, I was asking Heather to trust me to pick out her clothes for 30 days, and give me the opportunity so show her that there are a lot more outfits than she thought.

What did I learn?  Here are the top 3 things (Spoiler Alert:  Ladies, you already know this stuff I bet)

1.  For Heather, clothes can set the tone of the day!  My clothes are about form and function.  I need 5 shirts and 5 pairs of shorts to get through my week because that is what is practical, but what I found in Heather is that what she wears directly can affect her mood.  If she doesn’t like something or think something makes her look a certain way, she reacts in that way.  That made me very conscience of the things I picked out.  It also made me watch her reactions closely when looking at things so that I could try not to make the same mistakes twice.

2.  The hanger is not the body!  There are clothes out there that look great on a hanger, but don’t look great on a particular person, and vice versa.  I think buying an outfit without trying it on to see how it looks on you is tantamount to placing a bet without looking at your cards.  At that point it is just a crap shoot.  Heather has some clothes that are cute, but just don’t work on her for any given reason.  She also has some clothes that I look at and think, “Holy Horrible Batman!”  But once she puts them on, they work!  Take the time to try in on…it will work better for you in the end.

3.  What you wear really can help your marriage!  Ok, I might get some push back here, but I will stick by this until the day I die.  I know that after 12 years of marriage we are supposed to be comfortable with one another in every way.  Heather and I have seen each other at our bests and worsts to be sure, but being comfortable with one another can quickly turn into a lack of trying and that can’t be good.  What I saw this month was that when Heather was dressed in clothing that wasn’t just shorts and t-shirts, she had more confidence.  She felt better about herself, and she was overall happier.  This made me see her as even more sexy than I saw her before (which is hard).  In turn, I wanted to dress better, and look better for her.  It becomes cyclical.

Overall, I think this experiment was a huge success.  First, I won!  Heather has a lot of clothes left over.  Sure they are mostly t-shirts and winter clothes, but there are still 5 dresses that I like, a black A-line skirt, and a couple pairs of khakis that could be paired with a couple of blouses that are still in the closet.  But, the experiment was a success because Heather totally trusted me.  She had faith that I wouldn’t put her in clothes that would make her look ridiculous.  I didn’t mismatch colors.  The other thing is that she trusted me to choose event or day appropriate clothing.  That takes a lot of trust considering I’m a guy and event appropriate for me are about the same for church, a picnic, or a sporting event.

I thank Heather for going through this with me.  I thank her for accepting the challenge.  And I thank her for not using her vetoes.  It’s been awesome Babe!  I love you!

Heather:

This experiment really was fun! In the last couple years, Steve has really become very good at fashion and picking out clothes and shoes for me so when he proposed this challenge I knew he would do well. I wasn’t sure how well with the clothes currently in my closet, but he did it! And I also learned some things…

It really does make a difference what you’re wearing for the day. As Steve stated above, he could tell a difference in my mood. I felt better on the days I was dressed up, even if I wasn’t doing anything significant. It felt nice to have a dress on just because. And I feel sexier when I wear heels. Steve has bugged me for years to wear heels more often, but I fight it because to me they were uncomfortable and I prefer shoes that are closer to the ground. C’mon, I wear combat boots for a living! But throughout this experiment, I wore them more than I ever have and I think my feet got used to them and I felt more comfortable walking in them. I know Steve will love that!

I know I posted about this in one of the blog entries and that is how we get stuck in a rut and wear the same ‘ol things. We get comfortable and lazy and wear the same clothes like every week instead of trying to be creative and give some of the clothes in our closet more “face time.”  With Steve objectively looking at my closet, he pulled out things that I don’t wear often and even paired some things together that I never considered and I loved it. I wore clothes that I forgot I had or clothes that I forgot actually looked nice and that now I will wear more often.  I’ve even noticed this in this visit with my mom. She has a TON of clothes, so much so that she was filling up every closet in the house! With their recent move, I think she realized the absurdity of it and donated more to Goodwill. Anyway, she still has a lot, yet every time I visit it seems as if she wears the same pieces over and over. So, ladies stop thinking something is “too fancy” for an ordinary day because I’m sure you spent a lot of money on some of those clothes and they deserve to be worn and you deserve to feel beautiful!! Besides, look at the reaction of my husband..when I feel better, he feels better and wants to be better.

Finally, I’ve learned to trust Steve more.  I trust him with so many other things already because I know he will always support me and take care of me.  But, I trust he will not steer me wrong and dress me in something ridiculous or that makes me feel bad. Even though I didn’t use any vetoes, there were days when it probably should’ve been a veto because I didn’t feel comfortable in something or it just didn’t look right and he changed it, but he never forced me to wear anything just because that’s what he picked out for the day. I trust his fashion sense more than mine, especially since I receive so many more compliments on things he’s picked out. It’s so bad that I can’t even shop for myself anymore because I wonder what Steve will think of it. Therefore, he will now dress me for the rest of my life! LOL!

Babe, this experiment was so fun! Thank you for wanting to do it. I know people think we’re crazy and have nothing else better to do than have you dress me like a Barbie, but let’s face it, we don’t…ha ha! Not many husbands would even take on such a challenge and I know I’m blessed to have someone who cares enough to take the time to invest in me. I love you so much and you make this thing called life fun and exciting!

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